I have really neglected this blog over the past few years. I’d really like to post more often but I’ve been dealing with some personal issues that haven’t helped. The end of the year is a time that many people reflect over the past year. I’m going to extend that a little bit. I’m going to reflect on the past few years and you a little bit about my personal struggles. I’m not sure who really still reads my blog but this is going to be deeply personal so I hope not to get trolled.
The Struggle: Bipolar Disorder
That’s right. I’m just going to flat out say it. I discovered that I have Bipolar I disorder and anxiety. I’m starting to believe that mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed about, so I wanted to talk about it a little bit. I’m glad to see that the public sentiment is shifting towards more acceptance of mental health issues also.
For years I have struggled with mood disorder symptoms. I am now able to look back to about the time I was 12 years old to now, 32 years old, and see that I was battling a monster that I couldn’t even see at the time. I wish this is something me, my parents, or my doctors could have recognized early on. I mean this is something that has been holding me back for 20 freaking years.
For people who don’t understand what Bipolar Disorder is, it’s a disease that causes bouts of depression and mania. It’s an up and down cycle that never stops. Everyone knows what depression is in general. At least they understand the sad feelings and lack of energy. I was mostly depressed for the past 20 years. I struggled to find the energy to get out of bed in the morning. I had a hard time staying awake. In school I would sleep through most of my classes. I still managed to get A’s though #humblebrag.
There were points in my life that I can honestly say that I thought I wanted to die. It sounds silly now when I look back but it was dead serious. I have pictures on my phone that I thought would be the last pictures I would ever take. They were just the pure emptiness of the building I worked in. Kind of symbolizing how I felt. I can remember one of my lowest points where I was in such a depressive rage that if someone handed me a gun I was sure I could pull the trigger. That’s the other thing, the rage. I associate that with a combination of depression and anxiety acting out. My entire life I’ve been pretty introverted and I avoided interacting with people because of my anxiety. That’s another reason I wasted high school sleeping. I had several bouts of rage where I acted out in ways that could have gotten me into trouble. Due to that, I won’t mention specifics. Let’s just say that depressive episodes are an absolute bitch.
The thing that is not as well known are the bouts of mania. Mania is the high part of the bipolar curve. You fell really good. Like superman level good. Like you can do anything and conquer the world type of good. You might be thinking “what’s so bad about that”. Well for one it’s always short-lived and followed by longer depressive streaks. It’s also not healthy to feel invincible all of the time. Mania can lead you to make irrational decisions.
During a bout of mania, I wrote my most popular blog post ever: Make Money Online: Documenting 10 Years of Failure. That post hit #1 on Hacker News and was also pretty popular on Reddit. Although I wrote this in a manic state it IS factual. I’m not proud of everything in that post but some of it I may have did because I was manic at the times. I’m not an outgoing person so writing and releasing that blog post was a bit out of character for me. Mania can lead you to making bad decisions like spending excess money on credit cards (been there) or taking on too much responsibility at work. It can lead to a lack of sleep. I remember staying up all night working on my affiliate business or just playing games with no tiredness during the manic episodes. I also abused caffeine but that’s another story.
So today, 20 years later, I’m on the right track to getting my bipolar disorder under control. The healthcare system in my area is pretty abysmal. I worked with my primary care doctor and tried several antidepressants but I always had mood swings. I finally got in with a psychiatrist. He was tried to help me but was very “old school”. He really only had a handful of medical regimens that he would follow and wouldn’t alter. They didn’t work for me. Then I found a new doctor. He wasn’t accepting new patients but I was able to get in through a friend who works there. After several years of trials and error, we have finally found a combination of medicine that seems to keep me stable. I’ve been feeling fine, mood-wise, for most of 2019. I’m still extremely tired and trying to work on that.
It’s crazy for me to see how awesome my life is but how miserable I was. I had absolutely no reason to feel the way I did other than my brain chemistry was just messed up. I even tried therapy which had no effect what so ever. I’m hoping that part of my life is over and I can move on to better things.
On February 24, 2016, my wife and I had our first child, Weston. He’s almost 4 now. I can’t believe how much having a child has changed my life. I don’t want to be “one of those parents” but I’m going to. He brings me so much joy and reason to live. I love watching him learn and helping to teach him things. He’s very smart and he’s becoming an excellent swimmer thanks to the wonderful teachers at his swim class. He’s in preschool and doing very well. It’s also great that we have both sets of grandparents very close and they help us out tremendously. I understand that having children isn’t for everyone but I have learned that it was definitely for me.
I worked for IBM for almost 7 years as an IBM Watson Explorer Consultant. I basically am one of the most experienced developers in the world with that highly specialized search engine software. During my time at IBM, I had a new manager almost every year. Eventually, I was put under an excellent manager. She was the absolute best manager I have ever had in my career. She had empathy, stood up for her employees, and put me into a position to succeed. I was giving many opportunities to advance my skills and my career path. Under this manager, I was received many accolades and was seen as a leader in my field. She was eventually promoted to be a director at IBM. After that, I was assigned a new manager. I have nothing against her personally but I didn’t feel that I was succeeding anymore. So I decided to make a change. Funny enough she left shortly after me.
I left IBM in April to start a new position with a small consulting firm called NewGen Technologies. The funny part is that I became an IBM subcontractor. I make more money as a subcontractor than I probably would have ever made as an IBM employee. The corporate world just puzzles me. So I’m doing basically the same thing but for a US government organization instead of flying all over the country for different projects. I work out of my home office 99% of the time. I only occasionally travel to DC now. This new project put me back in touch with another consultant that I used to work with at a startup called Vivisimo. Together we might have more experience with IBM Watson Explorer than the IBM professional services team currently does. Work things are going pretty well but I still seek more.
As far as my businesses go I haven’t made a lot of progress over the past few years. Battling the bipolar thing took most of my energy. I’ve tried getting back into affiliate marketing without much luck. I created a few content based websites in the hopes of generating organic search traffic. One of those sites is ranking fairly well but I’ve not been able to monetize the traffic. The other one is fairly new. I’ve taken the steps I think are necessary for it to generate a decent monthly income but only time will tell. I’m not that optimistic about this market anymore.
One thing I keep coming back to is my tutorial site Team Tutorials. I’ve neglected it even worse than this blog but it still brings in thousands of visitors a month. It doesn’t really make any money but I think that maybe there is something that I can do around development tutorials that might be lucrative.
About 7 years ago I took this expensive course on building a product business call 30×500. The name comes from the fact that if you have 500 people (out of millions on the web) paying you $30 per month you can have a very lucrative business. This course changed my entire mindset. I really recommend it. Amy Hoy is a master of marketing and product usability. She’s so good that I’m certain the emails and posts she writes are written specifically for me. Seriously, they are that good. This course gave me all the tools I need to research, develop, and market a product. Again, I highly recommend anything Amy and Alex do.
If the course was so good then why am I not raking in the dough with a product of my own? Because I can’t get over the mental block that I’m not good enough. Why would people want to learn anything from me? I’m no famous developer. What could I really do to help people? Well, that’s the main reason I posted the Google Analytics screenshot above. I’m trying to give my self some validation using actual evidence. If 3 million people visited my site over the past few years then at least someone had to have learned a thing or two. Right?
What The Future Holds
First off, I’m not religious, but the saying “if you want to see God laugh tell him your plans” comes to mind here. I’m hoping to continue my current medications and keep my bipolar disease under control. I’m also hoping that my doctors will figure out why I’m so tired all the time. I can’t even stay up past 8pm. I’m going to keep working as a subcontractor for the time being and I’d still like to explore business ideas.
One of my newer passions is making wine. I like to do it and I’ve produced a few wines that aren’t bad. I have a friend that I used to work with at IBM that runs his own winery now full time. It’s call Black Dog Wine Company and it’s delicious. My wife, brother, and I are thinking about following in his footsteps and trying to open our own winery. There are actually very few wineries in my area and I think it would do well. A neighboring beer brewery is doing tremendously well and the two wineries I can think of are always packed. This would be my first real try at an offline business.
As for online business I need to figure out a direction. I think I need to completely stop focusing on affiliate sites and start to build a product that I own and sell. I feel like I know everything I need to know about the product creation process thanks to 30×500 and I just need to put what I learned into action. I have to get over my mental blocks and put myself out there. So my plan is to focus on finding some type of product that I can sell online that will be profitable but most importantly helpful to people.
Leave a Comment
I can’t believe anyone has read this far. No really, I’m serious. I would be surprised if anyone even reads this blog anymore. If you made it this far I hope you leave a comment and let me know if you can relate to anything I wrote and what your past year and future look like.
I waste too much time online, especially on social networks like Facebook. I saw a quote the other day from Seth Godin:
Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don’t need to escape from. -Seth Godin
This really hits home with me. I often find myself running away from life. I don’t really have a clear path. Now if I end up on my Facebook profile I see this:
I decided that since I waste so much time on Facebook at least I can give my future self a reminder of the goal I should be working towards. Will it help? I don’t know. I’m sure at some point in the future I’ll forget about it and maybe it will give me an extra boost that day.
Anyway, here’s the template if anyone is interested in it.
The office I work out of is running out of space. A few weeks ago I was asked if I wanted to give up my desk to become a full-time remote employee. There are a few reason I was chosen as one of the people asked to give up their desks. First of all my commute is atrocious. Our office is 60 miles away from my house and that takes me anywhere from 3-5 hours round trip. On average that is probably an additional 20 hours per week. I’ve been working part-time remote (2-3 days in office per week) for a couple years now because of this. Since I’m a Watson Explorer Consultant I often work on site with clients, which means I’m not in the office that much anyway. Given all of those things it’s pretty obvious why they asked me to go remote. I’ve been working full-time remote for a little over a month now and here’s what I learned.
Fear of giving up my desk
For most people the idea of working from home is a dream. It was for me too until it looked like it could become a reality. Then I started to have doubts. I thought maybe my employer was just trying to push me out. I have a fear of being “out of sight, out of mind”. Meaning if I don’t run into my colleagues/manager at the water cooler they might forget I even exist. Will anyone remember me when that next promotion opens up? On top of that it seems like being remote could almost be a move in the direction of getting rid on an employee or at least make it easier to do so.
So far it seems like all of these fears are irrational. Although I do make a little bit of an extra effort to stay active on our instant messenger, respond to emails, and share things on our internal forums so that people don’t forget about me. I also still have the option to go into our office and sit at an open desk. I used that option to deliver a presentation in person. I’ve also done some follow up presentations on the phone. Basically, I’m doing what I can to make ensure that people can’t forget about me.
How my life has changed since taking on full-time remote work
I’d be lying if I didn’t say my life has changed for the better since becoming a remote employee. I know that not everyone has this option so I’m thankful for it. I’ve been working pretty hard myself to make sure I’m taking full advantage of my new work arrangement and the fact that I’m savings 4 hours per day on my commuting time.
I used to have to get up at 4:45 am to make it to our office by 7am. Getting up that early took a toll on me. Eventually I started showing up later and later. The later I would leave in the morning the worse the commute would be, but the later I would stay at night the better the commute home would be. So for awhile I would leave early in the morning and leave late a night which isn’t great for having any type of personal life.
I have a new schedule now. I sleep from about 11pm – 6am. Then I eat breakfast and get to the gym by 7am. I spend roughly 2 hours at the gym between cardio and lifting before starting my work day. I’m usually back at the house and ready to work between 9:30-10am. Not only that but I’m much more awake than I was when I would roll out of bed and head straight to work. In general working out in the morning has given me more energy. I’ve been doing this routine for the past 3 weeks along with dieting and I think I’m going to stick with it for some time (so long as my job allows). I might have some travel coming that will completely screw my schedule and probably my diet.
Challenges of working from home
There are a few challenges I’ve run into when working from home. First of all, I actually think I have less distractions at home than I do when I go into the office. There is never the impromptu meeting or someone bringing in a quad copter or whatever else goes on when you put a hundred people in one small space. That being said, there are still things I’m learning to deal with at home.
One of the biggest problems of working from home is that it seems very difficult to separate work from life. This is a common problem with our highly connected society in general. Work starts creeping into your personal time. When you’re a remote employee the opposite can also happen. When people hear you are at home they seem to associate that with being on vacation. So I would get requests to let someone’s dog out or my wife would tell me to do some chore. It’s hard to draw a clear line and get people to understand that yes I am at home but I am also at work and that means I don’t have time to screw around. One trick I use for this is to have a separate office space for working. I’d say it’s a requirement to have some type of workspace. There is no way I’m going to be as productive if I lounge on my couch in front of a TV.
There are also other distractions. Some new game came out or one of my favorite sports teams is playing at 1pm for some reason as happens in March Madness. I’m usually able to stay focused but I also allow myself 1 hour to do whatever I feel like it on my lunch break. Sometimes that’s walking on the treadmill to get some extra cardio which gives me even more of a boot after lunch. Sometimes it means I’m playing a video game which helps me relax. I use my lunch time to try get distractions out of my system so I can focus during my working hours.
I’ve also started using a standing desk to help with general health and productivity. I have no scientific proof but so far I seem to be more focused when I’m standing. However, my feet and legs do get fatigued so I switch from standing to sitting through out the day. I usually only sit as long as my laptop battery will last which is about an hour.
Another distraction are my dogs. Since I’m home I can let them out and take care of them. It’s nice that they don’t have to stay cooped up inside all day. I also get some cute co-workers but even they sometimes don’t understand that I am working (go figure). The worst is when they decide to start barking while I am on a conferrence call.
It’s a work in progress
Overall, I think working from home has added some balance to my work life relationship. Before going remote I think the pendulum was starting to swing to really far in favor of my employer as far as my time is concerned. I’ve been traveling for the last 6 months and putting in 10-12 hour days on site for a big project. In the consulting world we have a target utilization rate, which is the amount of hours we actually bill to clients. Usually those goals are 60-80% based on an 8 hour day which allows for vacation time and administrative tasks that are not paid for by the customer. My utilization rate was over 100% on this project. That means I billed over 40 hours per week and then did all the administrative BS on top of that.Plus 10 hours of flying every other week. I was approaching burn out and now I’m getting a little bit of a break before I have to go back on the road.
I’m still working on figuring out how to best take advantage of this work from home situation while also being a productive employee and fair to my employer. So far I’m still getting great feedback at work so I think things are working out. I’m also on the path to being a happier and healthier person since I’m exercising a lot more. So far this seems like a win/win situation.
If you work from home do you have any tips to share?
You know the feeling. You’ve just spent a small chunk of your life writing a blog post. As you slowly scroll to the right, your mouse hovers over the publish button. With a finger on the mouse button, you pause for a second. As you stop to think your palms get clammy. The beating in your chest slowly increases until your pulse is racing. You sweat a little bit. A chill runs up your spine.
Are you really ready to put yourself out there for the world ridicule? What will people think? Can you really handle the consequences of publishing this? What if the people don’t like it? What if they don’t like you?
I’m here to tell you that you can do it.
This is my experience as someone who battles with social anxiety and also publishes content online. Over the years I wrote and published hundreds of blog posts and tutorials. For the past few years I haven’t been able to make myself write. One of the biggest issues I have is the fear of fallout from publishing my opinions online. Fear can be paralyzing.
A few days ago I wrote a blog post about my past attempts to make money on the internet. This post was really difficult for me to write. If you’ve ever met me in person you would know I’m not really super outgoing. I’m more reserved and I like to keep to myself. An introvert if you will. That post was the complete opposite of who I usually am. I let some skeletons out of my closet and poured some feelings into it. I put the spotlight on an industry that doesn’t like to have their secrets shared. I wrote a draft and then slept on it for a few days deciding whether or not I would post it. I almost gave into the fear and trashed it. I’m glad I didn’t.
Oh shit is my post going viral?
For most bloggers having a post go viral is the ultimate goal. Who wouldn’t want thousands of new readers? For someone with anxiety this can be a nightmare. I’m the person that chose to submit the post to popular social networks and news sites. I really expected a few people to read it, maybe call me an idiot, and then down vote the post. Maybe a handful of people would see it but I never expected what would happen.
I use the term viral loosely as when I think of viral I think of millions of page views but relative to what I normally see tens of thousands of readers are viral to me.
My post hit the #1 spot on the popular tech news site Hacker News. I was also in the #1 position on the /r/Entrepreneur subreddit. As of the writing of this post a little over 50,000 people came to my site. Almost 1000 people used the social sharing buttons on this site. Even more people tweeted and retweeting the url. I was receiving twitter notifications non-stop.
The bad, the good, and the lessons.
I’d be lying to you if I said that there aren’t bad things that come a long with posting online. Anytime you have an opinion there are going to be people out there that disagree with you. Surprisingly even the worst of the “haters” weren’t that bad.
How bad were the bad things?
I called out a marketing forum. So it’s no surprise that many of the members there had some negative things to say. One person told me I was a fatter, more unemployed, Matt Cutts. People accused me of bragging about being rich while racking up credit card debt. On another forum some arm chair psychiatrist exposed all of my inner demons. I was crazy to try to start a new blog with a post like this. In r/entrepreneur one user was disgusted that people would up vote a post about spam and diet products. Hacker News had their own colorful conversations going on. A lot of people pointed out how many typos I had (I admit I’m not the best editor). Others complained that my site was ugly, my writing style was awful, and that the post was probably written by a high school student.
Someone even found an exploit on an old installation of WordPress that was installed on a domain I don’t use. They were able to install spam scripts in that account and then send massive amounts of spam out from my IP address. Because I share that IP between a few accounts all of my sites went down because they were black listed as spam. Thankfully my unofficial server support genius was able to get the sites up and running.
What about the good things?
I was really overwhelmed when the positive responses started rolling in. Honestly, I don’t really expect people to connect with the things I write, so it’s always a surprise when they do. Many people told me they loved the way in which I told my story. Some people said they were inspired. Some people were intrigued to learn about how the affiliate marketing world operates. A lot of people offered advice or just kind words of encouragement. Many people seemed to appreciate the level of honesty and introspection. A few people on Hacker News liked the post because it gave them a glimpse of internet history that they have otherwise not followed. Others wanted to know where they could get this beautiful theme (it’s the new WordPress default: twentyfiteen). As you can see many of these contradict the negative responses.
On top those things people started using my contact form to send me questions, encouragement, jobs offers, interview request, and even invitations to speak at conferences. Even though my post was supposed to be about how I failed to make money online people are still contacting me to ask if I will teach them how to do it. I even jumped to the top rankings of profile views among my LinkedIn connections and made some new connections.
The lessons I learned
So what did I learn in all of this? If you put yourself out there some people are not going to like it. That’s OK though. You don’t get love without hate and we all know that the “haters gonna hate”.
If anything this experience has taught me that the negative feedback isn’t that bad. I was actually shocked by some of the negative responses because they were well thought out (more of a tough love kind of thing) and the commenter obviously read the post. I can’t say the same about the trolls. Even when I wrote free tutorials to help people learn web development I would still get trolls.
There was a point when my post hit the front page of Hacker News and my anxiety almost caused me to delete it. My wife told me I was crazy. I pushed through it and it was well worth it. The good reactions outweighed the bad reactions by far.
My advice to you
If you have an opinion that you are thinking about sharing just go for it. Don’t be afraid of blowback. You will survive it. You’ll probably meet some new supporters in the process.
You can’t defend yourself from every internet troll. You’ll have the urge to defend your honor against the haters but it’s not even worth your energy.
Don’t pay much attention to comments on social sites. At first I was reading every comment. It was driving my anxiety to new heights. I realized it’s a waste of time to read everyone’s thoughts about you. I’m pretty sure my wife read them all though 🙂
Make it easy for people to share your post. I didn’t think that anyone would actually use those social buttons that float on the side of my site. I was wrong. It’s worth the investment to get a good sharing plugin up and running.
The worst thing that can happen is that no one will read it. Which is not even as bad as not writing in the first place.
If you’ve been caught up in publishing anxiety but finally decided to click that publish button then tweet me a link so I can check it out.
This is the history of my experience trying to make money online over the past 10 years or so. This is by far the longest post I’ve ever personally written and it’s more of an autobiography than a blog post. I feel like I need to purge some of this stuff from my head so I can stop focusing on the past so much and move forward. I don’t really expect anyone to care to read all of this but I feel like writing so here it is.
The Very Beginning
I’m 29 now and technically that puts me into the Millennial Generation. I think we’re probably the last generation to grow up without having access to computers and the internet from birth. That being said I did have the opportunity to play with IBM blue screen computers in elementary school, and even get in trouble for figuring out how to use an entire printer ribbon to print a banner for my father’s business.
Fast forward a few years. I’m probably 12. My dad decides this $2000 Bose surround sound system he bought is just too much for our house. He tells my mom to take it back and get the kids some type of computer. I end up with this pretty sweet Pentium 2 Acer gaming PC with Windows 95. AOL was the way you connected to the internet at the time so the old man hooked me up.
Having a computer and internet connection opened up a world of curiosity for me. I was always trying things to see if they worked. I learn MS Paint and made myself an album cover for my totally white suburban 12 year old gangster rap songs I figured out how record (I was hot before the Icy Hot Stuntaz). I then moved on to learning HTML and eventually moving on to things like Visual Basic (I think it was VB6 at the time).
In High School I would often sleep through my classes to avoid the anxiety social interactions caused me. I still got good grades but never challenged myself with the exception of my computer classes. I was always very interested in them and loved learning every little thing I could.
One of my friends in high school, Todd Morrison, had the most epic blogs ever. Full of many things I’m sure he hopes the internet forgets. This was before WordPress even existed. I think he used Coronto and eventually Moveabletype. He probably inspired me to get into blogging later on without even knowing it.
My First Attempt at Making Money Online
Fast forward a few years. I’m out of high school. I don’t take the summer off but I start working full time and going to school. I’ve always had some type of entrepreneur trapped inside me. I think it start with me selling counterfeit CD’s in middle school. My dad started one of the first Mobile Oil Change businesses I’ve heard of. This was even before Jiffy Lubes started popping up, so maybe some if it gets passed down from him.
I see that blogging is becoming very popular. I also see that advertising is taking over the web as a monetization method. This is post .com bubble bursting but you still hear stories of massive amounts of advertising income that websites are making. Even your average Joe was apparently making a killing of Google’s AdSense program. I’m not going to lie the image below is probably responsible for me even knowing about AdSense. I’m sure if you’ve ever looked into earning income online you’ve seen this picture:
So I decide I’ll start a blog and make money via AdSense ads. In October of 2006 I register TeamTutorials.com and start blogging about something interesting to me, computers. I really just generally wanted to help people and trying to answer questions. Figuring out how to do things gave me a chance to learn myself and pass that knowledge on. Things started off slow but I kept writing mostly because I loved learning.
Eventually I started seeing small amounts of AdSense income. It was never much but I thought if I could get enough traffic it might work out. I started looking at where I can get traffic for a site like this and found that there were a ton of tutorial directory sites that would link out to tutorials. I submitted everything I could. This was my first foray into SEO without even realizing it.
Over the next six years I continued to blog and build traffic. I build the site up to about 80,000 – 100,000 page views per month.
At about 100k page views I was making a little bit over the minimum payout amount of $100 for AdSense. AdSense tells me the lifetimes earnings are almost $7,000 for the site. I don’t consider that a success but it was enough to cover the expenses of a dedicated server so that I can play around with other ideas.
Tutorial directories seemed to be getting a ton of traffic. I decided to start one to capitalize on that but it failed and was retired. I was trying to monetize it in the same way.
AdWords to AdSense Arbitrage
I almost forgot about this short stint but in the mid 2000’s people were making money from AdSense Arbitrage. What the hell is arbitrage? It’s basically finding an imbalance in the market. Traders are familiar with the concept.
Basically someone figured out that you could buy cheap keywords on Google AdWords (the advertiser side of the platform) and then send that traffic to pages with links to higher paying Google AdSense (the content monetization side).
So what you would have is a bunch of people bidding on 1-5 cent keywords and sending you to a page where they hoped you click on some high paying ad for a lawyer or something. I never really got into this but I heard it worked for a little while.
Discovering Affiliate Marketing
Now that I saw it was possible to actually make some money online I started looking into it even more. What I found was that people seemed to be making a living with Affiliate Marketing. So I figured I should probably try that.
Affiliate marketing is when you are paid to promote other people’s products and services. Sometimes you are paid a small percentage of sales commissions. Other times you are paid a certain amount per lead. It’s still basically arbitrage but from paid traffic to affiliate ads.
There are a bunch of Cost Per Sale networks out there that many people are familiar with. These are networks that usually work with a lot of big brands and some smaller ones and generally they pay out on a percentage of a sale. A few that come to mind are Amazon Associates,Commission Junction (CJ), ShareASale, and LinkShare. The first real affiliate network I worked with was PepperJam (which was acquired by eBay I think).
On PepperJam I applied for a bunch of different campaigns and was accepted into a few. I started testing out these offers by buying ads on the MSN and Yahoo search ad networks at the time. These networks had less traffic so there was much less competition than you would run into at Google. Which means cheaper clicks for me.
On top of that they would give you crazy bonuses all the time. Things like “Sign up for a new account. Deposit $10 and we’ll give you $100 in free advertising”. I figured if I could test out these ads for free something might work. So I got as many Credit Cards as possible and made an account for each one. I got a few thousand dollars of free advertising credits.
Using those free funds and a pretty new designer fashion brand’s affiliate program. I promoted their products and started seeing a good return on investment (ROI). Once something was profitable all I had to do was scale. All it took to scale at that time was more budget. All I needed for more budget was a higher credit limit. I pushed as much a I could and got my first $8,000 check. Then I kept promoting and earned another $20,000 in a matter of months.
My First Affiliate Marketing Failure.
Then disaster struck. I apparently was violating the terms of the affiliate agreement with my bidding strategies. It was basically a trademark issue in which I didn’t know I was not supposed to be bidding on their trademarks and they added wording into the agreement after I started promoting the offer to disallow that. Of course they didn’t tell me I was doing something wrong until after they got their $200k+ in sales and the time came to pay me my commission. I ended up in a conference call with the network in which they told me the advertiser refused to pay and that they weren’t going to be able to pay me all of my commission. I think they paid out part of the $20k but not enough for me to turn a profit.
I severed ties with the network. I was one of their top affiliates at the time. They would contact me and try to get me back but I just couldn’t risk putting that money on the line and not being paid.
The PepperJam network was started by Kris Jones who went on to sell the company and become very successful. I don’t hold any of this against him but I wish I could have had a better relationship with that company. He seems like a pretty cool guy.
Moving on to CPA
Even after the upset of losing what was probably $12,000 (which is known as a “shit load of money” when you are in your early 20’s) I didn’t get discouraged. I had a taste of freedom and proved that this could actually work. I kept investigating the affiliate world and eventually found a forum called WickedFire.
WickedFire is kind of like the cesspool of affiliate marketing forums. I actually learned a lot by digging into old posts and lurking. The members were notorious for things like posting a link to a gif of swinging dicks when a noobie asked for help. It had/has a strange culture but at one point it was a good resource. They covered everything about Affiliate Marketing even the grey areas.
I think I found barman via wickedfire. His blog PPC.bz was hilariously inappropriate but covered all of the industry drama. As you can imagine an industry of people who post swinging dick gifs is full of drama. I still wonder if affiliate rapper dullspace ever got a record deal.
I followed some of the advice on WickedFire and ran some dating campaigns on Facebook. At the time Facebook traffic was very cheap and allowed for way better targeting than any other ad network. I made a few thousand dollars from dating offers and testing various other offers.
The problem with the forums were that if someone shared something that worked then everyone would try the same thing increasing the competition to where nobody could make much of a profit. This started leading to a community of secrecy and really killed the value of forums for me.
The biggest thing I got out of all this testing and income was that I would regularly charge thousands of dollars a month and then pay it off as soon as the bill came in. This allowed me to increase my credit limit significantly at an early age.
My First Big Campaign
As I got some experience behind me I started getting accepted into these smaller boutique style affiliate networks. A few of the ones that I know are still around today are A4D (previously Ads 4 Dough), Convert2Media (C2M), and Motive Interactive.
Jason Akatiff the owner of A4D is responsible for a lot of the things I learned at this phase.
At this time affiliate marketing was still a wild west type of industry. This was before the FTC started cracking down and weight loss products (like Acai Berry) were making a killing. So I decided to ‘slang dem berriez’ as wicked fire would say.
For some of these weight loss products I could earn $60 a sale. Much more than anything else I’ve ever promoted. I started out on my old traffic source and eventually Google Search. I made some money from Google Search but then my account was banned as Google started cracking down on these types of ads.
I knew these products were making a killing but I couldn’t get traffic. Until I got an email from one of the network owners. I remember it being very short and saying something like “Hey MySpace is launching a self-serve ad platform tonight. You guys might want to check it out. ” This was just before MySpace officially died and Facebook took over as the king.
I was working midnight shift but was off that night and visiting my then girlfriend at WVU (now she’s my wife). I stayed up all night making various banner ads and submitting them to MyAds. I set the max budget of $10,000 per day because on most other sites I had a hard time hitting the budget anyway. I went to bed hoping to make $60 by the time I woke up.
I woke up and opened up my MyAds account. I guess there was some type of glitch where if you bid the maximum amount they delivered ads until you ran out of money. Holy fucking shit -$8,000. I literally hit my credit card limit in a few hours. My stomach sank. I was scared shitless. There was no way I would be able to pay that off.
I finally got myself together and logged into my affiliate account. $22,000 in commissions. I thought there was no way that could be right. After it sank in that it was right I needed to move quick to get the ads going again. I called the network and setup a wire transfer. Banks seem to think you are a drug dealer if you walk in with a 6 digit check for some reason. I then paid off my credit card and called all my credit card companies asking for a limit increase. This was before the credit crack down. I may have fibbed my income a little bit but I managed to get one of the cards to give me a $45,000 limit at 22-33 years old.
one ad was literally a killer whale and it said “don’t be a whale use acai berry”.
I scaled the campaign and probably made $60-80k in 2-3 months. Eventually I was contacted by the network owner saying my ads were not appropriate. Some of them were absolutely hilarious and I can’t believe people clicked on them and bought the product. I mean one of them was literally a killer whale and it said “don’t be a whale use acai berry”.
I also learned what it felt like to write a 5 digit income tax check to uncle sam.
So I started making some more appropriate ads. Made a little bit more money but eventually competition picked up. I branched out to other types of ads like CPM (cost per 1000 impressions) that would show on news sites and things.
Being an Unknowing Participant in a Scam
These weight loss product become more and more popular and I see people making way more than I am (hundred of thousands to millions). I’m not going to pretend these product didn’t feel scammy from the beginning but I wasn’t award of how bad it was.
These products worked by having “free trials” that required a credit card. If I got someone to sign up for a free trial I’d get commission. Then the company would continue to bill these people $60-$100 a month for automatic refills of the product if they didn’t cancel. At least that’s what I thought. It turns out they literally wouldn’t let people cancel. Some people got taken for hundreds of dollars. Some had to cancel their credit cards to get it to stop. Eventually some of the people behind these “diet companies” actually went to jail over it. I know some affiliates did too for promoting it.
Automating the Magic
Not that I’m proud of any of this but I started looking even deeper into the grey areas of affiliate marketing and SEO. I also wanted to automate this so I didn’t have to spend so much time manually doing things.
I came up with an idea to automatically create websites and monetize them. There was a plugin out there that would work with WordPress and post links from eBay and Amazon and I would get the commission from sales. I also put AdSense on these sites for extra income.
I didn’t know how to do this but I was working a midnight tech support job with a friend and we had a lot of free time. We started trying to figure it out. I came up with the idea and created a template WordPress site and had Mike Maguire figure out how to automate things.
The idea was pretty simple. I would research keywords that I thought had potential to make money via these ads. I’d add keywords and domain names I wanted. The tool would buy a domain name, setup hosting, install WordPress, install our template, change SEO settings based on keywords given, and then go out to the Amazon API to pull in products. It wold populate the WordPress database with products and descriptions from Amazon, with affiliate links to Amazon and Ebay, and schedule the posts to go out randomly over the next two years. We also had some internal linking setup between the sites to pass on some link juice and help rank in Google.
I found out a few things. I could buy .info domain names for 99 cents meaning I could make hundreds of sites for cheap. New domains seemed to get traffic in Google quickly and then drop off. Stronger .com and .net domains seemed to last longer but making money at this seemed to be a volume game and not a longevity one.
So our auto-poster created hundreds of sites. Some got no traffic but a few got a decent amounts of traffic. We targeted niches like “unlocked blackberry phones”. It really only took a few sites making a little bit of money to bring in a decent income. I think we may have gotten up to $1200+ a month before things took a down turn.
SEO, Spam, and Regrets
During all this time I was interested in driving traffic to all my sites. I started looking into driving traffic to these sites and my other properties. At first I did your typical on page optimization and then moved into building backlinks manually. This is known as “white hat seo”.
There is another side called “black hat seo” which is the things that are frowned upon. At the time people figured out different linking schemes that could drive ranking power back to a main site. These were called link farms. You could create a bunch of crappy sites with spun content (taking content and replacing words randomly so it seems unique to Google). So I built a link farm and started seeing my rankings increase.
Then I learned about a tool that was supposed to be built by some Russian hackers (or so I hear). This tool was powerful. It could blast out thousands of links per day. The tool is probably still active today and it’s was called Xrumer. Xrumer would crawl the web for forums and blogs, create profiles with backlinks, write spammy comments, ask questions on forums and answer with your backlink from another account, etc.
It’s all shady but it worked so I looked passed it. At one point I was spamming so many links from my house that Comcast would repeatedly call me telling me I “had a virus” on my computer. I was using 4TB of bandwidth each month.
Now that I look back I don’t feel great about my time as a “link spammer”. Fortunately for website owners Google basically fixed this exploit with their Penguin and Panda updates so it’s really not effective anymore.
I apologize to all you forum owners for what I did in the past.
Membership Sites and Email Lists
I did attempt to make one product. I started a health recipe membership site. I figured people on Weight Watchers and other diets wanted some healthy options. I found a bunch of recipes and put them with some amazing pictures, so they would share well on pinterest. My target audience was mostly female and pinterest was becoming popular so I thought I might be able to game it.
In the early days of pinterest you could post affiliate links. All you had to have was some products people were interested in and you could make a few dollars from Amazon. Eventually pinterest shut this down and started redirecting affiliate links through their own affiliate id numbers so they would make the money. I don’t know what they do today.
I had free recipes with an option to join a mailing list to get some “premium” recipes for free. People would sign up and go through the free recipe sequence which would eventually end and try to upsell them on a membership to the site.
I had a few signups at $7 a month I think. I had a few requests for refunds which I granted. I didn’t see this working so I shut down the project. I think there are just too many free recipes available out there and/or I didn’t market it to the right people.
I also started using mailing lists on Team Tutorials to drive some revenue by pushing WordPress plugins to my readers.
For the record email marketing is still the method that drive the most engagement.
Focusing on Affiliate Marketing Again
After my stint with shady SEO and automation I decided I wanted to get back into affiliate marketing but wanted to not feel like a douche bag for the products I promoted. Gaming was taking off and I felt like that was something that didn’t really prey on people. I could promote games in good conscious.
I hooked up with a new account manager at one of those networks. I talked to him and he said they had this new game that was doing pretty good. I didn’t really have any traffic sources so I started looking into new options. At this time StumbleUpon had launched their paid promotion.
You could pay a few cents to have your page delivered via StumbleUpon’s network. This worked out great for my game because StumbleUpon users were basically already bored and looking for something to do, which is why they were stumbling.
After a lull of not really making any money I found a winning campaign with a game on StumbleUpon. I made something like 150k in revenue over 3-4 months. I branched out into gaming networks like MochiMedia (no longer exists).
The thing about StumbleUpon traffic was that it seemed your ad could only be delivered to each user one time. So eventually you just ran out of traffic. Then they changed their pricing and terms. They really didn’t want these types of ads on their network even though the users seemed to respond to them.
Once again I lost a traffic source and a significant source of income. I kept running on the gaming network which still made a few thousand a month but not nearly as much as I was making. Then that network went under and I was bringing in nothing again.
I’m not really active in the affiliate world anymore but mobile was the last big wave i heard of and I imagine it’s still where the growth is. In general mobile is still growing so mobile advertising will grow with it.
The Downside of Becoming “Rich” Suddenly
We weren’t really wealthy growing up. My dad didn’t even have running water at one point when he grew up. He had an outhouse and a well that he had to go get water from. This wasn’t even that long ago. Basically my family was “dirt floor poor” until my grandpa got a job at a steel mill (which he walked or thumbed a ride to until he could afford a car).
My mom and dad did the best they could but there were points in my early childhood but I know they struggled a bit at points. I remember coming home from school to see a couple hundred dollars of groceries left on our table and receiving a thanksgiving dinner box at school. They shielded it from me but eventually in high school we were pretty much a typical middle class family.
I worked at a grocery store for like $5.35 an hour through high school. Now all the sudden I had hundreds of thousands of dollars in revenue coming in. I didn’t really know how to handle that.
I always told my self I wanted to be rich before I was 24. That goal basically stemmed from some stupid song by Lil Flip. As dumb as that sounds I repeated that line in my head all the time and it became my goal. For a moment I actually thought I reached that goal. I had money right? Well I wasn’t prepared for that money at a young age.
I’m thinkin’ – designer clothes and fashion shows
I’m thinkin’ – all my albums goin’ platinum and gold
I’m thinkin’ – Jaguars and a Bentley Rolls
I’m thinkin’ – bein’ rich before I’m 24
You’d be shocked at how much of my life I can relate to rap lyrics.
I ended up blowing most of it on cars, and vacations, and random shit. I flew my family out to Vegas so I could get married and then spent $1200 on Sky Vodka (the bottles that are $20 at the drug store) in some club. That was probably one experience that was worth the money. My entire family in the Pussy Cat Doll club (when it was in Planet Hollywood) having a blast. I have stories to tell for years about that night.
Shout out to Mike Kerry from C2M for putting up with being at the table next to us that night.
I was never rich as a kid and now I wanted to feel like I was. I was basically living a drug dealer’s lifestyle. Blowing money fast. I got so used to charging $20,000+ per month and paying it off like it was nothing. When the money stopped coming in my spending habits didn’t change. This is when having a $45k credit limit becomes a bad thing.
I don’t really want to speak on this anymore but I’ll just say this. I made some bad decisions and I learned some valuable life lessons about money and happiness. It would be very hard for me to make those same mistakes again. After having this kind of income I no longer believe that money doesn’t buy happiness. It sure the hell made my life easier at the time.
For the future me. When you make some money think about investing it back into your business. Time will come when you can splurge on yourself but that’s after you have built a solid foundation.
Failure and the View from Here
As you can see I had a pretty eventful couple of years. It was really a roller coaster of emotion. In the end I failed at all of these things but I’ve gained a wealth of knowledge. During this whole process I still had a day job. I almost quit to pursue my “business” full time but I never did. I have mixed emotions on that decision. In the end it seems like the right choice but now I wonder “what if I gave it my all?”
Now I work a consulting gig everyday that I really don’t enjoy. The money is decent (I had months better than my yearly salary in the past). I get to work from home. I get to travel and see some cool places. I get to play with some of the hottest software right now but I’m still missing something. I’ve also been dealing with health problems over the last few years and severe depression. I basically haven’t had motivation or even the energy to do anything aside from my day job for years now. I’m completely drained when I’m done working. Things that use to make me feel energized like lifting or running now make me feel even more tired.
Overall I realize my life is good relative to most people in the world but I am still not happy. Depression is a bitch.
So What’s Next?
I tried a lot of things that really didn’t lead to long term success. So what is my plan for the future? First of all my plan is to get healthy. I need to pull myself out of this depression. I need to drop some weight. I need to get back to the gym at least 4 days a week and add some running/cycling on the weekends.
As for business I think I want to create some kind of product. That’s one of the areas I really haven’t tried to fail at yet. I had that recipe site but it was poorly planned and doesn’t count. I’m pretty sure that is one way I can help people while also making a little bit of money. I also believe products are the only true way to the type of freedom I would like to have in life. I would love to be able to travel with my wife while still making money or just taking a day off because I don’t feel like doing a damn thing. That’s the kind of freedom I think products can bring. There are some obstacles in my way but I’ll post more on this subject in a follow up.
Wow, it’s been a few years since I’ve actually blogged regularly. To the point that I actually killed my old blog and don’t think it would be valuable to revive it. So I’m starting from scratch, again. If you came here looking for an old post that was linked to I apologize but they are gone.
This site is my personal blog so it will probably cover a wide range of personal and business topics that I’m interested in.
My tutorial site Team Tutorials is still online for the time being while I decide it’s fate. It also hasn’t been updated in years at this point.
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